being with joy: January 2009

1.27.2009

spoken to

when there is no one close, Madeleine becomes my author of choice.
she writes out my jumbled thoughts.
the delusion of being known is welcome tonight
this is a reread... following words had been previously underlined.
must have found them pertinent.
now again there is truth found.

The burning bush. The bush burned, was alive with flame and was not consumed. It is. It is a pure example of ontology. Ontology: the word about the essence of things; the word about being.

I suppose the perfect isness of anything would be frightening without the hope of God.
An oak tree is, and it doesn't matter to it - at least Sartre thinks it doesn't; it is not a thinking oak. Man is; it matters to him; this is terrifying unless it matters to God, too, because this is the only possible reason we can matter to ourselves; not because we are sufficient unto ourselves - I am not; my husband, my family, my friends give me my meaning and, in a sense, my being, so that I know that I, like the burning bush, or the oak tree, am ontological: essential: real.

Madeleine L'Engle . A Circle of Quiet

1.26.2009

gold

still running on sabbath fumes
reminded why we proclaim,
"thanks be to God"

i have a myriad of reasons to love my Papa
today's particular one is Ron Sexsmith

:memories:
driving out to midnight press checks to the sound of Blue Boy
standing against a brick wall at an empty live show
Papa singing 'Beautiful View' through the phone

If I had all this time on my hands
Well I would love to share it with you
And though our days have made other plans
There is nothing I'd rather do
Than sit and talk with you
My beautiful view

(okay... i know... but it works)

gold in them hills
(forgive visual content)

1.23.2009

I always dread...

...the last page of a loved book
never sure what to do with all the bits that endeared it
being spoken to so intimately with no way to respond
i undergo a sense of displacement

(photo from last full moon . my ego apologizes)

Lila could never really be drawn into these conversations,
though Ames tried to include her.
She seemed more interested by the fact that people
talked about such things
than she was by anything they talked about,
and she watched the currents of emotion pass among them,
watchful when they were intent
and
amused when they laughed.

1.22.2009

Ditto

Cole is sitting at the breakfast table.
Hair in disarray, pjs, Lucky Charms:

"I've gotta get ready and see what's going on with myself."

You and me both.

1.20.2009

words from the morning

Her father told his children to pray for patience,
for courage, for kindness, for clarity, for trust, for gratitude.
Those prayers will be answered, he said. Others may not be.
The Lord knows your needs.
So she prayed, Lord, give me patience.
She knew that was not an honest prayer, and she did not linger over it.
Marilynne Robinson

But...
Beloved, we are confident of better things concerning you,
yes, things that accompany salvation.
For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love
which you have shown toward His name.
And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence
to the full assurance of hope until the end.
That you do not become sluggish,
but imitate those who through faith and patience
inherit the promises...
this hope we have as an anchor of the soul,
both sure and steadfast.
Hebrews 6

1.16.2009

current repeat

Paths are there
for us to follow
This is gospel I believe
Angels are around us flying
Truth and mercy to recieve

Pictures of uncommon nature
Painted by a masters hand
Draw me ever
On life's journey
Rendered thus to understand

As a songbird
That is fallen
Only to regain the sky
From this frozen shadow
Vally lay my weary head

Love is from
No distance calling
Faithful as the rising sun
Warms the bitter heart
And heartache
Till the east of Eden's gone

Clouds of fear
And misconception
Wax and wane as if the moon
So is in a sense forsaken
Till the will of God be known

(listen)